TRYING TO FIT IN AS A PARENT

Since my 2 little ones were born and especially now they’ve started nursery, I’ve always felt like I’ve had to try and fit in with the other parents. Nursery pick up and drop of times are the worst as are children’s birthday parties. I either one have to do the whole mum act, the nodding and smiling and talking about grown up things or I find myself stood on my own whilst all the other parents stand around and talk to one another and my only interaction ends up being with the child or 2 kid who aren’t mine, but for some reason takes a shine to me.


I’m holding out for the day there both old enough for me to do the drop of and run tactic. Instead of having to stand around feeling like a social prior. I mean don’t get me wrong I’ve tried the whole Mumsy Mum thing and tried to make friends with other mums but its always turn’s sour. For example around here they run a local mums group. I first started going when I was pregnant with my second. I met some lovely other mums there, id say I’m a fairly young mum so there quiet a bit older than me but still we got on well enough, well so I thought.
But after a while it got quiet clicky and the other mums all iced me out one by one, just deleted me of all social media and stopped talking to me. It was really gutting. It was especially gutting when we were at group and the other mums started going out of there way to stop there kids playing with my kids.. pulling them away like they had some kind of contagious infection. The whole thing was heartbreaking. Was it just of case of they decided I wasn’t good enough or something but then surely that shouldn’t have any kind of impact on my kids, or maybe it all stemmed from my own security of being a young mum. I did find myself questioning if maybe id done something wrong, if there was some point, something that had happened that made them decide to cut me out.

Having children, especially now there growing up has given me a whole new perspective on life. If you take some time to have a step back and see things the way a 4 year old does, it makes life so much easier. My 4 year old doesn’t remember any of the kids that were mean to her in the past nor the kids she played with from that mums group, all she cares about now is her friends at nursery and I’m sure when she goes to school the same will happen again. Yeah she might keep some of them nursery friends most shell forget about along with the ones who were horrible to her and shell go on to make new ones. This has taught me to be the same, if other parents don’t like me for me then so what!!

Since taking this new outlook on it, I think I’ve actually made more friends from just being myself and not caring what other people think. I admit there are going to be a few parents along the way that views I wont be able to change and no matter how hard I try we just will never get along. Whether that’s because our parenting styles are too different or our personalities, guess we will never know, but that’s okay with me.

I’m interested to know if any of you have had issues trying to fit in as a parent too?

I’m linking with:

Mummuddlingthrough
Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.comthumbnailsize


”My
Follow:

36 Comments

  1. February 4, 2016 / 10:48 am

    I've found it hard to fit in at mum and baby groups too. I'm not naturally outgoing and I feel like they can be pretty cliquey sometimes. I've talked to some nice mums but haven't met anyone that I really want to be my new best friend – it can be hard to put yourself out there! #coolmumclub

    • February 4, 2016 / 11:21 pm

      Yeah same hun 🙁 a lot of my friends have like one close female friend who they see loads etc but they obviously known them a long time, if you haven't then it can be hard trying to make friends as a lot of people already have there set ways and friendship groups and aren't open for newbies ,.. not saying everyone is like that just haven't Come across anyone yet sadly xx

  2. February 4, 2016 / 1:32 pm

    I have had the same problem in the past and I still don't really fit in when I go to any school functions for my kids. I have made a few friends along the way but we hardly talk due to all of us being very busy with our own lives. I was 24 when I had my first child but because I look several years younger, at that time, random strangers would give me dirty looks. One grocery store employee even tried to have me thrown out of the store because an old lady was complaining that my then three year old was walking next to me instead of seated in the cart. Both of these people went so far as to lecture me on how to raise my child and made comments about me being a teen mom. Let's just say, I didn't keep my cool with them and reported both of them to the store manager. When I joined a mommy group with my son, I got the same cold shoulder as you. The same thing still happens with my youngest who is in the third grade only now it's not an age thing but a class thing. I'm poor and many of the parents who are active in the school and on the PGO (parent/gaurdian organization), are a part of the middle class. I live in a very white collar town. It's a great town with great schools but most towns folks live in denial that poor people exist in their town so to stay in denial, they don't acknowledge anyone whom they perceive as poor. People can be mean, sometimes they can be without even realizing it but I mostly stay to myself and don't belong to any cliques. I never liked cliques in high school, I'm not about to start now. At the same time, we are all trying to find "our people". I like to call it "my kinda weird", lol! It's hard when you want to reach out and find people who have things in common with you but they don't seem to like you for whatever reason. I hope you find moms who aren't so judgmental towards you! #coolmumclub

    • February 4, 2016 / 11:35 pm

      Its horrible isn't it. I mean I don't know if I'd say we were poor but I'd say we're comfortable and I did notice a slight pattern in the parents that weren't interested in talking to me. I think the thing that broke my heart the most thou was the parents pulling there kids away from mine I mean my little girl was 2 at the time and was playing with a other 2 year old and the mum pulled him away and I mean she was like discreet about it either, it was clear for all involved. Like I understand if you don't like me for whatever reason. . But there babies they don't know any different 🙁 stopped going to group after that xx

  3. February 4, 2016 / 2:43 pm

    I've not really started the whole school culture mum drop off yet despite the fact my son is in nursery. It's hard making friends and I've been lucky to find some lovely mums who have a similar outlook on parenting to me. I hope you find some less judgemental parents x

    • February 4, 2016 / 11:22 pm

      Yeah I didn't think that I'd experience yet but there's a time when dropping g them off that the parents are all stood around waiting for the doors to open where it gets tense lol.

      I have made some fab mummy friends but online lol x

  4. February 4, 2016 / 3:30 pm

    I am not in on the school thing yet but have you ever watched Catastrophe? Yup, I basically feel like the mum saying ridiculous things all the time off that! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x

    • February 4, 2016 / 11:25 pm

      Ooo know but will have a Google and watch it 🙂 sounds good. I love watching new films and series. Will keep you posted.

      Know what you mean thou like there all talking and you try and partake but then your like hmm was I wrong to say that and find yourself questioning everything you've just done in that situation x

  5. February 4, 2016 / 8:55 pm

    I have just started the 'school gate' thing again after a three year break – I did it last time for 14 years! It can be very clickey and unfriendly! Now, I am just being me – if they don't like me then so be it. Kaz x

    • February 4, 2016 / 11:27 pm

      100% hun … it does suck sometimes like get a bit envious of other mums who have close friends they see regular go on play dates etc. But I suppose your not gonna get on with everyone in this world. X

  6. February 4, 2016 / 9:03 pm

    I was quite lucky because generally I went with NCT friends to groups, but did do some on my own. Tbh, I think the don't care attitude helps when you're older.

    • February 4, 2016 / 11:28 pm

      Yeah agrees my partner is older than me and he was always telling me that when you hit a certain age you just stop caring what people think, he was right .. not that I'd tell him that lol
      X

  7. February 4, 2016 / 9:22 pm

    Wow I really feel you with this! All the other mums seem to know each other already and I always feel like an outsider trying to start a conversation

    • February 4, 2016 / 11:44 pm

      Yeah it is really hard making new friends 🙁 as everyone tends to already have friends so why make new ones p. I'm always happy to chat thou hun so feel free to message me whenever x

  8. February 4, 2016 / 9:54 pm

    I haven't started the whole school gates thing yet, but I can imagine it can be pretty awkward. I go to baby groups but to be honest, making friends there isn't really that important to me and people can be quite clicky, which I find odd. I'm sure there are loads of other mums who feel the same as you, I think you have the right attitude and just go with it – you will meet like-minded mums soon I'm sure x #coolmumclub

    • February 4, 2016 / 11:30 pm

      Yeah true hun.. I use to find myself doubting myself a lot. Why didn't they want to be friends with,me? They were friends with me but then they cut me out did I do something wrong? The list of questions I use to ask myself was so long. But eventually I just stopped caring. X

  9. February 4, 2016 / 10:37 pm

    Good on you! I know EXACTLY what you mean, I remember entering my first ever baby gorup when my son was small…they all looked down their noses at me, I now live a hermit existence and boy is it good! I say it's their loss, not yours….and it says a lot about them as people too!

    • February 4, 2016 / 11:31 pm

      Yay for hermits :p. I'm the same keep myself to myself these days just me and my partner and our little ones. Its just simpler x

  10. February 5, 2016 / 8:13 am

    Aw bless you there is nothing wrong with being a young mum but unfortunately society does not see it like that and can be quite nasty to say the least. F**k what anyone else thinks and just be you because you are an amazing person!

    • February 5, 2016 / 3:27 pm

      Aww thanks hun that was a lovely comment 🙂 made me smile and chuckle xx

  11. February 5, 2016 / 1:07 pm

    I could have written this myself. It's not that I don't gel with other mums, it's that I just haven't met any that I have things in common with yet. I've tried all the baby groups, and I tried so hard to make conversation and be involved, but I always found that I was never a part of the 'clicks' which was so hard at first because my little one was not expected and I was finding it hard to adjust in the first place. But starting my blog and finding posts and other bloggers who feel the same, was amazing! It's made me a stronger person and oddly more confident rather than reclusive. xx

    • February 5, 2016 / 3:28 pm

      Yeah it is really nice when you come to realise that your actually not alone, and there are other people well mums who feel and are going thru exactly the same as you xx

  12. February 5, 2016 / 2:31 pm

    I find groups really hard, we don't have the school run yet – thankfully. But it's so hard and I worry that because I am crap at the social stuff and have few friends that it will mean Boo will miss out as I am not friendly with the other children's mums. Ah being a parent is so tough!

    • February 5, 2016 / 3:30 pm

      Yeah it is the toughest job in the world. I'm rubbish at social stuff too and I can come across quiet. Which I mean it lucky my partner is so talkative hell talk to anyone lol.. means I don't have to alot of the time xx

  13. February 5, 2016 / 7:19 pm

    I am not yet a parent so not had to misfortune or is it pleasure to experience that but I think your new approach is the best way to go. I wonder what made them ice you out, could it be because you are/were younger mum compared to them and someone just made up stuff about you??

    • February 13, 2016 / 11:59 pm

      I have no idea as to why, I wish I did. But trust me I sat for days going thru everything in my head, trying to work out if there was a specific turning point. But eventually I came to the conclusion it wasn't anything I did and just accepted it x

  14. February 7, 2016 / 7:40 pm

    I don't fit in, in fact just yesterday at a kids party highlighted this to me beautifully. It was (is) painful and I hope I get to the stage of not caring but history shows me I will continue to question why. I literally wrote a post about how odd I feel as a parent just this week! Glad things are improving for you though x CaringintheChaos

    • February 13, 2016 / 11:56 pm

      Will have to have a read of that post, it's always nice to know that you aren't alone and there are others who feel the same way as you. Can sometimes feel like everyone else has friends and fits in but for some reason you don't.

      Always happy to chat hun x

  15. February 7, 2016 / 7:41 pm

    I don't fit in, in fact just yesterday at a kids party highlighted this to me beautifully. It was (is) painful and I hope I get to the stage of not caring but history shows me I will continue to question why. I literally wrote a post about how odd I feel as a parent just this week! Glad things are improving for you though x CaringintheChaos

  16. February 12, 2016 / 5:59 pm

    I have found it hard to fit in as a mum as I find it hard to talk to be people with my low confidence. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

    • February 13, 2016 / 11:57 pm

      Aww know how that feels hun I come across really quiet and I never really approach people. Luckily my partner is really confident and chatty so comes in handy in social situations x

  17. February 17, 2016 / 8:19 am

    I found this. I think as I've gotten older I have found it harder to make new friends and the friends I did have have drifted off as our interests and lives change. I have some friends who I talk to at University but I don't feel completely part of their group as they are a lot younger, live on campus and socialise, something I can't do as I have a family and live away. Great idea changing your perspective.

  18. May 11, 2016 / 8:01 am

    Oh I do know what you mean – being a mum is just the same as being back at school – there will be the cool mums like the cool kids in school and then there will be the geeks, the sporty ones, the quiet ones – you'll find your group – it just takes time – but I am certain you will – I find I need fewer friend than when I was younger – I'm less bothered which sometimes helps! #BloggerClubUK

  19. May 11, 2016 / 10:35 am

    I totally relate to this – not just in terms of being a mum, but in life in general! I've always worried that I'm not really 'part of the group', and that people don't like me. I think I've been lucky not to encounter too many mum cliques, but I've not really found anyone that I've clicked with. And even harder after maternity leave ended and the rest of our NCT group returned to work. At least having a child has really developed my small talk ability – I'm far easier with chatting to strangers now, and now and again that leads to a friendship. #BloggerclubUK

  20. May 11, 2016 / 6:25 pm

    Oh I know what you mean. I'm dreading the start of school when I have to socialise. I don't 'fit in' at all with the other Mum's in my village and I know what it will be like before it even starts. But I like your attitude. I will try the same thing. At least I have 18 months to prepare myself! #BloggerClubUK

  21. May 13, 2016 / 10:50 am

    The mums who did that to you don't sound like the sort of people you would want to be friends with! Especially when they started taking it out on your kids too. I'm not a parent so I don't have this problem, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't fit in with those types of parents – I'd be horrified if I did!
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂
    Debbie

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *